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The crowd gathered for the coronation, but there were already signs that
a few malcontents were among the throngs of loyal subjects...
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The crowd gathered for the coronation, but there were already signs that
a few malcontents were among the throngs of loyal subjects...
Judge Rehnquist asked everyone to stand for the pledge of allegiance. Everyone recited together:
"I pledge allegiance to the corporations of the Divided States of America, and the profits for which they stand, one nation under greed, outsourced, middle class invisible, with liberty and justice for the rich."
The public yells: "That wasn't the pledge of allegiance!"
Judge Rehnquist tells everybody to be quiet. "We didn't assume such conservatism. Let us pledge the traditional pledge of allegiance:I pledge allegiance to the Empire. For evil, destruction, and fallen jedi, under Vader."
Again the public yells: "That wasn't the pledge of allegiance either!"
Rehnquist: "Ok, ok, that was a bit of a joke. All right now, for real:
I pledge allegiance to the Dictator of the United States of America, and for the Fascism for which He stands, One Nationalistic State, under Bush, Uncompromising, with Tyranny and Injustice and Injustice for all. Amen.
All rise as I introduce the guest of honor:
George Walker Bush, by the Writ of Entitlement of Halliburton and the Supreme Court by the Grace of the Christian Right Defender of the Unborn, Bulwark of the Faith in Vouchers, Chief Protector of the Rights of Oil Companies, Rightful Inheritor of the Watt, Scourge of the Environment. By whose Grace our Employees will grovel appropriately, Great Trustee of the Stock Option.
It is now time for Our Great Leader's in guttural address."
Bush's Inoculation Speech:
"On this day, prescribed by law and marked by ceremony, we celebrate the durable wisdom of our Constitution, and recall the deep commitments that unite our country."
"I think we all agree, the past is over."
" A tax cut is really one of the anecdotes to coming out of an economic illness."
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun."
"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNS aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."
And now we will extend this vision by reforming great institutions to serve the needs of our time. To give every American a stake in the promise and future of our country. "I would have me secretary of treasury be in touch with the financial centers, not only here but at home."
" Self-government relies, in the end, on the governing of the self."
"From the viewpoint of centuries, the questions that come to us are narrowed and few. Did our generation advance the cause of freedom?"
"Free societies are hopeful societies. And free socieities will be allies against these hateful few who have no conscience, who kill at the whim of a hat."
"One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected."
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."
So, "I just want you to know that, when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace" and that "I don't need to be subliminabable."
"They have miscalculated me as a leader."
"We have seen our vulnerability - and we have seen its deepest source."
"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself."
"We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers."
"We cannot let terriers and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile."
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.""Make the pie higher!"
~
Judge Rehnquist announces: "You may now kneel."
Bush repeats the oath of office: "I, George Walker Bush, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully extirpate the office of President of the United States, and will, to the best of my ability, destroy, attack, and undermine the Constitution of hte United States, wreck the environment, loot the treasury, and serve my corporate patrons, so help me God."
Bush is seated and trumpets blare. Judge Rehnquist is about to put the crown
on Bush's head when suddenly, Mother Earth bursts onto the scene:
"HOLD that Crown! I am Mother Earth and I have come to reclaim all power from this imposter. Too long has he befouled my waters, torn up my mountains, polluted my skies, and woken me up with his bombs. I protest his emperorship !"
Rehnquist tries to push Mother Earth away, but suddenly the Goddess of Love bursts onto the scene:
"Release Mother Earth and Hold that crown! I am the Goddess of Love and I too have come to reclaim all power from this enemy of love. He has failed to engender human kindness and instead inflamed hatred and violence all over the world. Make love, not endless wars of terror that break the hearts of lovers the world over. By the power of the holy cupid...
Rehnquist tries to push her away, when suddenly Uncle Sam bursts onto the scene:
"Hold that crown and desist from persecuting these marvelous women! I am Uncle Sam and I have come to teach this chickenhawk a lesson. No longer will he besmirch the reputation of our great nation. That's right, I want YOU, George Bush, to fight the enemies you have created all by yourself! I am..."
Rehnquist tries to push him away, when suddenly George Washington bursts onto the scene:
"HOLD that crown and hands off my man Sam! I am George Washington and representative of all the great forefathers of this nation. THIS is the constitution we wrote, dumbass - you should read it someday. You think we fought the imperialist pigs in the mud so that we could produce some goofy emperor like you?!?! I mean, we may have set it up to benefit rich white guys, but this is out of control!"
Rehnquist tries to push him away, but suddenly Lady Liberty bursts onto the scene:
"Mother Earth! Goddess of Love! Uncle Sam! George Washington! I am Lady Liberte, a gift from France - remember? (sings:) Bring us your tired, your hungry, etc.
"I have been watching these clowns let my great city get attacked by their business partners. I have had my reputation soiled across the entire world for whom I once stood as a beacon of hope. I have solemnly decided that the only way to set our country on the path to humility and moral values is to flush this imposter down his royal toilet - WILL YOU HELP ME?""
There is a short struggle with Bush trying to escape, but the ladies and Uncle Sam and George Washington force him down on the seat - in the struggle his coat is ripped open to reveal....the mark of the beast!!!
Everyone yells "SEE?!" and flushes him away.
Lady Liberty proposes a toast and everyone decides to hold hands and recite a much better pledge of allegiance:
"I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America and to the Republic that it created One Nation out of many peoples, with liberty and justice for all."A progressive fevor has overcome the audience, however, and they yell "We still don't really like that pledge!" The group tries another:
"I pledge allegiance to humanity, and to each person for which it stands, multiple nations, sharing peace, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
The audience yells: "That's better but still not good enough!" The group tries a third:
"I pledge allegiance to the planet, Earth; to the cosmos to which it belongs, And to the evolution of all life within it. One ecosystem, indivisible, With health and prosperity for all."
Everyone cheers and sings 'We shall overcome."
The magic of recycling, in the meantime, has transformed the former emperor. He is reincarnated to live out life as a liberal and open-minded anthropology professor:
The End!
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Except that other Alaskans were at the real coronation in Washington DC, like Ruta Vaskys:
The End!
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 Stacey Fritz, Coordinator
PO Box 84997 Fairbanks, AK 99708 (907) 457-5230 - hm/office (832) 633-7975 - cell info@nonukesnorth.net |
